All that glitters is gold?

So many things...

It all began with the sentence "All that glitters is gold" sung in some song by the glammy-gothic-industrial king-of-madness Marilyn Manson. And my thoughts began...

I've retaken the reading of Game of Thrones, my endeavor. There are so many good sentences, so many brutal words, so many thoughts and expressions that would be my own if I was then an there... But enough daydreaming I say. Game of Thrones is no longer my way out of a tight painful spot in which I found myself two months ago. I'm reborn. And now I can read it fully being me, without no need to escape.

I've also realized I've spent two months in sort of a limbo, I've done nothing, that is, I've not written a fucking word of my master's thesis which is due in approximately 4 months. Today I've gathered the courage to shut myself in the library once I'm done with lunch. I hate the library, they always have the heating on and it makes me sweat like a pig. I want to do a good job, I want to really learn while doing it.

Yeah, it sounds like New Year's resolutions, but fuck 'em. It's my life and no one gives a damn about what I do and what I don't so go ahead and judge me, none is better than me for I ain't worse than anyone.

My New Year's plan is drifting washed ashore. Families... I understand it but... This last part of the year is being a great plan changer. Good thing I'm a Virgo, a mutable earth sign. I guess the chameleon in me is having one hell of a time. I found myself in a crossroad in a vast plain, nothing in sight but emptiness. And it makes me wonder...

I miss New Year's Eve in 2004. That was the beginning of a very good year in my life. In fact, it was the best in many ways. I was free, I had friends, and began to truly learn about myself. The grass is greener on the other side they say... maybe it wasn't that great back then, but there are things I miss from those days gone.

I remember with special delight the nights of my erasmus, alone in a solitary grave-like residence hall, in my room, late at night in winter, when I had essays to write. I used to make myself a hot cappuccino and stand outside on the balcony, letting the cold breeze fill my lungs with dagger-like caresses and then the sound of fire burning the dried up tobacco leaves in my cigarette... and I just stood there and pondered and wondered... It was... good.

My dreams are getting better by the day. I'm learning to be a faster interpreter and who knows, maybe in time I'll be able to predict my own immediate future. I do not aim at predicting my fate for that is just the Norns' domain and I am no weaver, just human.

Yesterday night the meaning of my last dream was revealed to me in the most unlikely manner. I am happy for this gifts the gods have bestowed upon me. I've decided I'm buying me a notebook and I'll write them down for only those that are of importance to me I do remember. And sometimes they scared me, but it's good to get the warning on time. I feel liberated, and I acted with honor in every word. What once was shall never be again, but memories are to be cherished and to be learned from.

But now I leave you, fine ladies and gentle men who happen to cross my path. I'm at the brink of losing my job and I've many plans still to be done. Funny thing though, I just realized today that Yule (Xmas) is next week. And envy befell me this morning as I saw it, my dream, through the eyes of those who have lived it as I would. Music did the rest... My blood is not of those northern parts, but my heart is, always has. Yule is not from this land of my birth... I do wish for once to live it there, not to envy anymore, just to experience... some things bring back memories of my childhood. Cinnamon, incense, spruce, apple, pepperkakkor, gingerbread, Plätzchen, glögg & Glühwein, yule tree, snow, cold wind, dark night, family, Germania & Scandza...

I leave ye all now, fine ladies and gents. 'Tis hour is late and I shall tarry no longer to my enterprises, deeds must be done, a noble warrior must heed the call of duty.

"(...) and you're completely obsessed with treasure."

"That's not true. I am not obsessed with treasure."

"Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate."

Jack Sparrow & William turner, Pirates of the Caribbean