Enter 2017, stage left

Slightly over a month since my last derailing into this blog, and things have taken not one but a few more turns... some good, some not so good... as always.

In exactly one year, I have gone from having 4 grandparents to only 1. January 1, Mid May, January 1... It can be said loss can be easily coped with when you get older, but some people leave a mark on you so deep a drill couldn't get to it.

I've been meaning to write, as I began doing again this Summer. It seems I even have a ritual, writing 70km from home, always at night and with something to drink, and smoke. Yup, that thing I should start quitting... I know...
As I was saying, I had been meaning to write just as I had already finished my previous post... but something kept holding me back, and it wasn't procrastination... it was as if I wasn't supposed to, as if I had to give myself time settle my thought down and let whatever I was feeling drain out before leaving it here.

But ah, cruel fates that have a tendency to complicate things, this time you've done a good job I must say...

In December I actually started procrastinating, sort of like began to live again the life of a 20-year-old, except that I was working longer hours than I did back then. But I was going out every single day of the week, even if it meant a few drinks on the street instead of in a bar or pub or club or whatever you picture in your minds. And for the first time in like... ages, I felt happier, not because I got shit faced pretty often, which I did, of course; but because I was sort of letting go of my self-imposed leash of proper behavior.
Then came Christmas, or Yuletide, or Saturnalia, or whatever you like to call it.
And then along came a strange situation which has made me rethink some of my preferences and mid term goals, soort of adapt them. I know there is quite a chance of getting my head chopped off even... but I think the end goal, if the other players are willing, is well worth taking the risk. Just need to mention that nobody expected the Spanish Inquisition (may those who know understand).

But my friends, that was Sunday when I wrote. And today I've felt a twist inside, and have seen rage in myself like I had not seen in quite a while. I'm sick and tired of neutrality and pretended normality, I creave blood, I no longer wish for justice, for justice is not coming. And there are people saying they just want to be OK... well OK comes with a price, and if the penance is for being true, then the liars are to perish and fall, and we need to rejoice because of their demise.

I am angry, and saddened, and I have hope in me, and yet I refuse to believe it fully for the messages seem to vary. I want blood, that of others, spilt.


"Let me die without fear!
As I have lived without it
So shut your mouth and spare my ears
I'm fed up with all your bullshit"